Renovation - Not just another undertaking

Hi Pa,

Been a while you see since you showed up in my dreams, a very long time actually. Knowing your penchant for written communication, here's writing one hoping it will reach you somehow. 

Since you left, we took sometime in steadying ourselves, supporting each other through what not only seemed, but was also a very dark phase of our life. Ironically those things, time and tide that you said would wait for none, which seemed prophetic then, was the only reality that helped us looked forward to other things. I got married and then sister got married and life started presenting newer possibilities. 

During all this transition, we moved from upstairs to ground floor and rented out the first floor for a few years, after sister got married. In this time, I did scout for some properties with a hope that I might be able to invest in real estate. But then, didn't see economical sense and dropped the idea. Realized that with the current scenario in Bangalore, there is no better place than what you found and made for us. 

Anugraha - Circa 1988

Thanks to your bold aspirations, from the humble beginnings(img above) in 1988 you made our abode to what it was in 2001(image below on Left).
 

Circa 2001(Left) and Circa 2019(Right)

Last year I took on an ambitious renovation project of our first floor residence, with objective of making the residence more spacious, modern and a structure that we wanted to wholly utilize. Here's(the image on the Right above) what it looks like in 2019 after completing this major undertaking. Some of the changes that went in making the new structure are listed below-

• The front elevation of the first floor also underwent a major change, the security grills, the balusters are all gone. You'd see a new chic looking stainless steel pipe with 12mm toughened glass, which by the way has a presence even on the terrace. Both the FF and GF front elevation now bears texture paint which kind of gives the whole building a nice classy look.

• Elevated the ground area of the portico, in order to eliminate the problem of stormwater seepage from the street by creating a small elevation starting from the stones that form the pathway outside the main gate until the staircase to the first floor.

• In order to use the elevated portico for car parking, i did away with the original criss-cross gate and have a sliding gate, with this I am able to park my sedan inside. Can't believe how time is running away, this is my second car after you left us.

• Got rid of the open well which was being used as an alternative potted plant. This gave way to an sump with increased storage capacity. Redid our old sump which was around thousand five hundred litre capacity, to get it to almost eight and half thousand litre capacity.

• The enhanced water storage of the sump helped in getting rid of the original overhead tank which we had on the landing of the staircase of the first floor. The tank was not being of great help as there was not enough pressure for the ground floor, due to which I had made it defunct and had the overhead tank increased to 1000 litres on the terrace, which was serving as the main source of supply. While the arrangement was working for 8 people who stayed in both the ground and the first floor put together, with rare instances of water shortage, did not want to let go of an opportunity to enhance the overall storage.

• The stairs themselves bears a new look with granite being cladded onto to the balding concrete stairs which has been there since 1988.

• With the neighbors on our right who also rebuilt their house, light had been a major casualty to the GF, hence did away with the attics in the front, near the staircase to the first floor, grill work are all removed to enable sufficient natural light entry into the house. 

• As you walk through the staircase, am sure the absence of the main door in its original place will strike you. This brings us to the genesis of the project, the south entrance of the first floor, has been shifted to the east, right next to the pooja room.

• As you'd remember we had a tiny 2ft balcony, which is now extended to a spacious almost 5ft balcony, by constructing 3 pillars from the ground floor, one of which originates from the sump. You'll be happy to know all this by staying in the confines of our plot, just used the space better. This additional space has given the balcony a great look and now doubles up as a good portico for both the GF and FF.

• The pooja room itself which used to be protruding outside on the first floor, is now leveled with the hall and kitchen wall in order to give the elevation a clean seamless look.

• This brings us now to the inside of the house, the main door (a 6ft frame which includes long windows) facing east welcomes you to the living area, which now also comprises of the open kitchen. Yes, you read that right, the place where we kept our TV for so many years has now made way to be the main entrance to the first floor. The previous main entrance on the south has been closed and is now part of the kitchen. The older verandah no longer exists, its now the dining area and part of an open kitchen with walls separating the hall, verandah and kitchen knocked down up to the lintel beam level.

• The offset that we had near the verandah entrance to the hall has been removed and moved towards the kitchen area to give the kitchen a unique look, resulted from creating a much spacious living area. This new wall is now the TV wall.

• The bachelor room that I owned is now my home-office cum study, after closing the entrance to the verandah.

• The 2 bedrooms which were like adjacent excel cells have been merged to make a single large master bedroom, to which entrance is from the passage which starts from the end of the living room. The wash basin which existed in the passage has been moved to the washroom.

• The washroom itself is now more vertically spacious, as i did away with the attic, since it had become a dwelling for other creatures alongwith our barely used resources/materials etc.

• Other than these structural changes on the first floor, the only other changes are on the terrace, where a new room has been built with access from the terrace. A tiled canopy structure alongwith the room is the new terrace attraction.

• The overhead tank and solar being shifted atop this room, has given a lot of space on the terrace for all sorts of future avenues. 

No doubt you'd have asked me how much of it was necessary, well i would say I have tried to balance between essential needs and aspirational wants. 

Could I have been more conservative? Maybe. Did i splurge? Maybe not.

When i thought of what you'd feel about these changes, I think you'd be thrilled, and also manage to slip in some changes yourself. 

The activity was arduous to say the least while it was in progress. Without your and Amma's blessings, my wife's stellar partnership and most importantly my employer's understanding, it would have been much harder. 

Here's a snippet of the journey 

Before:

During:

After:

Do let me know in some way, what you think of all this ? 

Yours Truly,
Sanju

Father's day and a eulogy that can't be written

It's not really easy to cope up with a sudden event that abruptly forces you to stop using a particular word from your vocabulary. ''Dad, appa, and pa'' words which used to come out with every breath, now feels new and I rarely use it while I converse. A year it will be very soon and it has passed by, as if those few days were just an aberration in our lives. We've been living as if the particular segment of our memory has just been wiped out just like in Men-In-Black. But then, they probably haven't made them of the kind which can erase memories from the heart. Father's day never felt so hapless.

During my growing years whenever I witnessed days with some tension, like an agitation, bandh or something that would have some violence, I used to dream that dad wouldn't come back home get nightmares that dad wouldn't come back home. Thick skinned that i was, always used to wake out of it, slap myself and go back to sleep thinking the slap would take care of it. I have been trying to slap the daylights out of me and make myself believe that what has happened, hasn't really happened. It's a different thing altogether that neither have i been able to slap myself nor make myself believe of anything. Somebody please shake me out of this nightmare of a slumber that won't let me sleep. This has gone on for way too long.

An year normally enough to change the course in a person's life, has done so to mine in just a fortnight. When i was wading through all of this, i did think that spending some time away from writing might help me gather my mental space and one day i'll write my dad's eulogy.

That now, I know will not happen, not after a part of  me has also vanished with him. While I hope, I still will some day in my life pen a proper prose, all i can only think of right now is ''Pa, wherever you maybe, please guide me and I'll take care of everything here like you would. Or I'll at least try!" 

Credits of the video and the sketch go to my sister.

ಮಸಣ ಯಾತನೆ ಬಂದಿದೆ

ಮಾಸದೊಂದು ನೆನಪನೀಡಿ, ಕೈಯ ತೊರೆದು ಹೋದೆನಿ,
ಏಕೆ ಹೇಗೆ ಎಂತು ಕೇಳಲಾಗದೆ ಬೀಳ್ಕೊಟ್ಟೆವು.
ಕಣ್ಣಮುಂದೆ ಕಾಣೆಯಾಗಿ, ಕನಸುಗಳಲಿ ಬಂದಿಹೆ,
ಕಣ್ಣ ಹನಿಗಳಿಂದು ಸುರಿಸಲಾಗದೆ ಬತ್ತಿದೆ, 
ಕನಸುಗಳಿದ್ದ ಕಣ್ಣುಗಳಲಿ ಮಸಣ ಯಾತನೆ ಬಂದಿದೆ, ಮಸಣ ಯಾತನೆ ಬಂದಿದೆ!!!

Reminiscing those last few days

4th July

This might be the American independence day, but this day has nothing but bad news for us. He has developed spasms on both sides of the brain. Doctors have said further deterioration could be life-threatening. Apparently happens due to inadequate blood supply to the areas of the brain. I sought a second opinion with the neurosurgeon from Manipal Hospital. He only talked about probable impact if he recovers from this stage. He said it could impact speech, movements or other such functions without ruling the fact of danger to life. All I can do at this point of time God, is to use these words you've given me, to pray!!!

"Dear Lord Almighty, it's times like these that he has brought us up to face. I do understand this is a test you wish to put us through. I've been fighting all sorts of negative thoughts and tried to remain positive. You probably know this is still not the time for him. Please give him the strength and the lease of life. We need him to guide us a little longer. We are not ready yet to imagine a world without him. Please dear Lord, Save him"

5th June

Its 10 in the night and the lights at the waiting room outside the ICU have just been turned off. Can't tell you the stream of emotions I've been going through. It's dark, really dark. Every thought, every moment out of the ICU seems to bring some bad/unpleasant news or so I anticipate. His BP, I've been told has gone down a little now. They've increased the medication to bring it back. They are pumping in the adrenalin. All the prayers and wishes I hope will lead in some kind of his miraculous recovery. Staying positive is not an option, its the only choice I've got.

"ಕರುಣಾಳು ಬಾ ಬೆಳಕೇ 

ಮುಸುಕಿದೀ ಮಬ್ಬಿನಲ್ಲಿ 

ಕೈ ಹಿಡಿದು ನಡೆಸೆನ್ನನು"

6th June

The feeling is not good. It's that of what I'll be losing. I can't number it, too many, I can't. I'm very closely structured to him. Lot of similarities and lot of differences. Where will i miss him the most? Everywhere. He was my investment planner to my marriage maker, my joker, my friend, my dad, my pa. Doctors have said he is deteriorating on all counts. His brain is responding only 20% and his BP is been supported by multiple drugs, can't see him suffer. I can't. This loss will be unbearable dear God. Please give us the the strength and courage required.

I wrote the above logs not now, but when i was waiting in the darkness of the well lit waiting place outside the ICU room. And for the record the dates in the above log had to be 4th, 5th and 6th of July. Like you may notice draining of emotions does horrible things to the brain and it's yet to leave me. There is a numbness that has gotten stuck to me and no... its not comfortable. Like you may also notice... the sense of humor has taken a beating too. Thoughts don't flow into words like earlier, mind seems pre-occupied with a whole lot of nothing. 

Tomorrow, 7th October it'll will be 3 months since I've lost my Dad. Looking back at it now, can't fathom how it has passed by. It all started on that fateful Wednesday, 22nd of June when he met with an accident on his way to work. He left us assuming the role he played the best, a man who worked selflessly for the betterment of his family and the people around him. A self made man... that's what my dad was. 

Love you dad. Regret not saying this enough to you.

A life well lived.... K.R. Rajan

Of late I have been caught up with a lot of things with the advent of my classes. All's well on that front. Meanwhile, a rather unfortunate event has taken place. My grandpa peacefully breathed his last on 4th May 08.


As I don't feel like making this post, an obituary for him, here are some sweet in-a-line memories that I shared with him ever since i gathered my senses. Thanks to Sham for the touching words of remembrance in the picture attached inline.

Numerous cricket matches on TV, Comparing biceps(He still had the cuts at 90+) after my work outs, getting him a hair cut and getting scolded by him for irritating him. Had a great memory and also a subtle way of reacting to people he didn't want to speak to. But the summary of the glorious past was always available for the few of us who pursued with our efforts.

Though sad that i would miss him, I am happy for him that he doesn't have to see the cruel world anymore.

Taata, may your soul rest in peace.

Life’s turned a full circle in kanakapura Sangama!!!

Some 4 years ago, had been to Sangama in kanakapura, Chunchi falls with a party of SBM employees and their families.

I wonder if life has completed a full circle since then. There I was thinking what I’d do after my final year of graduation and now I am thinking of what to do, to break the mundane routine that I am in.

Anyways, on the occasion of ‘Gandhi Jayanthi’ or probably just an other occasion when we wanted to hit out of Bangalore, around 10 guys in 2 cars decided to head towards Sangama which basically is a confluence of two rivers – Arkavathi and Kaveri(Cauvery) and further to Mekedaatu(5 kms from Sangama).

This place has always given me memories of losses. Be it personal or materialistic…

If at all, he had not ventured into the water, if at all he wasn’t so adventurous. But I know … ifs and buts’ do not count in real life. It can happen only in flashback. A lively fun-loving guy is what I vividly remember Vinay Sreedhar as. He was my PU classmate and a good volleyball player. But now when I think about him, and the place which took him away from us, I can only say… “Who is bigger than nature”? Alas, if he’d only understood this!!!

Materialistic loss, well it’s nothing comparable to this grave loss of life. But since I am talking about losses here I rather include this one too. I lost a wallet here, right in front of my eyes, when my over enthusiasm got better of my senses that made me think my cousin was a good catcher. Don’t know if my throw was bad or it was she who dropped the wallet into the flowing water. Like a fish that doesn’t leave a trail, there was not a clue left behind. I could only stare at the gushing water helplessly.

This was all last time. This time around I started the trip thinking, four years would have brought in lots of changes in me regarding my outlook towards life. I had sort of forgotten the sense of loss of this place had given me. We embarked on our journey with gaiety and excitement reached the place and had fun. We went to mekedaatu after going around Sangama. Everything completed and we started to leave, when I realized the loss syndrome that had hit me again. I found my favorite sunglasses missing, as usual the sense of dejavu haunting me now. Anyways, like some people have happy hunting grounds I have some sad losing grounds of which this is one.

Signin off by dedicating this passage to my deceased friends Vinay Sreedhar(in the pic) and Arvind. Hope their souls rest in peace.

~Sanj